This is Serious
February 22, 2023
Fr. John Riccardo
Forgiveness. It’s the toughest thing to do in life, I think. In fact, I don’t think it’s tough; I think it’s impossible. At least on our own. I’m not talking about forgiving someone who slighted us a little. I’m talking about someone who has hurt us in a profound and life-altering way. Someone who sexually or physically abused us, was unfaithful to us, slandered us, tried to ruin us, took the life of a loved one.
For many of us, the moment we experience profound hurt, Jesus’ teaching about forgiveness suddenly turns from beautiful sentiment to, “What?! Are you serious?! Him?! After that?!”
And yet…
The call, the command to forgive remains. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Should we really be praying that? Do we truly want God to forgive us the way we forgive, or rather don’t forgive, those who have deeply hurt us? I know a woman who for many years simply stopped praying the Our Father because she knew she couldn’t pray it with any integrity. There was someone in her life she had not forgiven. Finally, after years of realizing she was never going to “get over” what had happened, after years of trying harder on her own, she fell on her face before God and simply prayed, “I can’t do this, Lord! I don’t have the strength to forgive. If I’m honest, I don’t even want to forgive. And so I cry out for Your help. I can’t, but You can. So please do! Let Your Precious Blood that I drink at every Mass transform my bitter, resentful, grudge-holding heart. I need a blood transfusion!” With that, she was finally able to forgive and could once again, with integrity, pray the Lord’s Prayer.
For many of us, as we begin Lent today, and turn our minds and hearts to repentance and conversion, the biggest obstacle to holiness, healing, becoming spiritually mature, looking more like Jesus, is our unwillingness to forgive.
I was fortunate recently to catch a sneak peak of a pastoral note from an archbishop I greatly admire. In it, he reminds us of the absolute importance of forgiveness. Everything is indeed at stake! Jesus warns us sternly that if we do not forgive, then our heavenly Father will not forgive us (cf. Mt 18:21-35). These are sober, frightening words. I simply must forgive, or else…well, I simply must forgive.
Now, to be clear, forgiveness doesn’t mean, “Hey, no big deal.” Hardly. Forgiving someone first of all takes into account that wrong-doing has been done, or else there wouldn’t be anything to forgive. Forgiveness means, “I release you. I don’t wish harm to come to you. I don’t want you to get what’s coming to you.” Furthermore, forgiveness isn’t the same as reconciliation. For a number of reasons, it might not be possible in this life to reconcile with those we forgive. That’s OK. We can’t let that stop us from taking the crucial first step.
In that pastoral note, the archbishop urges us to make some time this Lent to get very practical with all of this. He suggests two simple (not easy!) things. First, to write down the names of those who have hurt us. To ask the Holy Spirit to remind us of all those who have wronged us, in ways big and small. And then to prayerfully read over each name and ask the Father to bless them, even as He has blessed us despite the hurts we have caused to countless others. Second, he urges us to write down the name of any we have not yet been able or willing to forgive. Then, in prayer and especially at Mass, as we consume Jesus’ Body and Blood – the Jesus who cried from the cross, “Father, forgive them! They don’t know what they’re doing!” – to ask Him to give us the supernatural strength we need to forgive them.
Wise advice from a wise man.
Indeed, everything is at stake.