The Sin of David
June 14, 2023
Albert Faraj
“We are in a world of orphans, and so many people are disoriented and suffering because they haven’t had the chance of meeting someone in their lives who was a true father.” - Fr. Jacques Philippe
As Mary highlighted in last week’s blog, we all experience the enemy’s attack on our identity as daughters and sons, sisters and brothers, and - of course - mothers and fathers. In Priestly Fatherhood, Fr. Jacques Philippe goes on to explain that without fatherhood, we have a problem of the transmission of identity and life, a profound lack of mercy and fraternity, and are doomed to succeed and become self-centered. This is true in families, natural and supernatural, and in the Church and society as a whole.
But what is the role of a father? A way to break this open is to understand that fatherhood essentially includes imparting identity, living unconditional love, and speaking words of authority. For fatherhood to properly reflect our Heavenly Father, all three elements need to be integrated and conveyed. When this does not happen, we experience a deep loss of our sense of belonging and safety, two foundational needs we have as people.
I’ve been blessed to have an amazing father who has lived all three aspects beautifully. He has imparted identity and purpose through the modeling of virtue and the telling of our family story. My father is also very generous and affectionate, showers unconditional love beautifully, and still speaks words of authority in my life even long after I married and started raising my own family. All of his children and grandchildren admire him, love him, and look to him as the model of fatherhood. And, consequently, we have a deep sense of being in relationship with each other and belonging to one another.
And so this brings me to another father born and raised in the foothills of Bethlehem, King David. Like my father, David was one of nine sons who goes on to succeed in life, outshining his older siblings. David, “a man after God’s own heart”, leads his people as a warrior and a king. And becomes a father of a large family. There is, however, a significant difference. David falls mightily through grievous sin. Yes, his adultery with Bathsheba and subsequent murder of Uriah are horrendous acts. Yet in the context of fatherhood, let’s look at the sin that eventually destroys his kingdom.
We likely know the story of Tamar, a daughter of David who is violated by her half-brother Amnon. What does David do when he finds out? “When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.” - 2 Samuel 13:21
Ok, so he gets angry. And then what? How does he bring justice, reconciliation, and healing into this situation between his children?
He does nothing. Nothing at all. As a result, Tamar’s full brother, Absalom, murders Amnon, leading eventually to a civil war and the shattering of the kingdom. It is a sad example of how unconditional love cannot exist without words of authority; how it simply becomes permissiveness without authority. Because David fails to take action as father, the enemy was able to exploit the deep wounds in his family, leading to vengeance and not justice.
In our modern age, we’ve come to associate authority as equivalent to power and abuse (toxic masculinity, anyone?) Perhaps this is why we struggle both in homes and in Church to exercise authority. So many of us have experienced that kind of authority without unconditional love. And yet, the call on our lives, especially as fathers, is to ground authority deeply within that unconditional love. Authority tells me what I must do, unconditional love forms how I must go about doing it.
In the United States, we celebrate Father’s Day in June. As we approach the celebration this week, let us ask the Lord what He wishes to teach us through David. All men, whether natural fathers or not, are called to spiritual fatherhood. As men, let us pray for the grace to reflect the Fatherhood of God well: to impart identity and speak words of authority through unconditional love. Sisters, please pray for us men that we may fully surrender to God and become the men He calls us to be. May both natural and spiritual families more fully experience that deep sense of belonging and safety we all crave and need.
A Father’s Day Prayer
Heavenly Father, we are privileged to be called to reflect your very fatherhood here on earth, naturally and spiritually. Grant us the grace to be good stewards of that calling. Jesus, you show us the Father, and restore us to sonship in Him. Help us to be good sons, leading us to become better brothers. Holy Spirit, recreate us that we may be transformed and more purely reflect the Father.
