The Mission and Task of Fatherhood
March 22, 2023
Fr. John Riccardo
St. John Paul II once wrote that the mission and task of fatherhood is “to reveal and relive on earth the very fatherhood of God.” This mission belongs to those of us who are both physical and spiritual fathers. And what a lofty mission it is!
I’ve been praying and thinking often about fatherhood these past few months. The recent Solemnity of St. Joseph only served to deepen these thoughts and prayers, as did a conversation I had with a priest friend. He reached out to me because he was, quite simply, hurting deeply. He had expressed this hurt to his superiors some years ago, asking them at the time not only to pray for him but to please reach out and look in on him. They never did. He now finds himself in a world of pain, and without blaming his superiors for his choices which brought on that pain, he nonetheless is angry that they never did reach out to him over the course of the past few years. If they had, it might have warded off at least some, if not all, of his unfortunate choices.
As we talked, I shared with him that we often feel as though one of the Church’s greatest needs right now is to learn once again how to be human. We are, in the Church, all too often so transactional and functional in our relationships, and so often seemingly driven more by attorneys and human resource personnel than by the heart and mind of Jesus (no offense intended to the tremendous men and women who serve in these necessary roles!).
Which brings me back to fatherhood.
My siblings and I were immensely blessed by God to have had a father who truly revealed and relived the very fatherhood of God. He wasn’t perfect – no man is, but he was the greatest man I ever knew, the hero of my life, and the one whom I look to as the model when I think of fatherhood.
Fr. Jacques Philippe, in one of his most recent books, describes true fatherhood as embodying two crucial things: unconditional love and words of authority. My dad did this wonderfully. We always knew his love for us was there – no matter what. But he was no softy. He never backed down from lovingly challenging us, calling us on, reminding us that God had made us for greatness and not to settle for mediocrity. He had that rare ability to be brutally honest without being brutal to us.
In thinking about fatherhood, my priest friend, and my dad, what strikes me most, though, is this simple truth: my dad hurt for us, his children. His care and concern wasn’t something superficial but deep in his bones. It’s often said about parents that they’re only as happy as their least happy child. I have always admired this about the moms and dads I know. There is no time off, or away from, their children – no matter how old they are. Indeed, their hearts ache for their children.
I don’t know if I can say the same for myself or for most priests and bishops I know. It’s so easy for us to be more removed, more detached, more…functional in our relationships with those around us. We have so much to learn from our brothers (and our sisters to be sure) who have physical children.
St. Paul, whose model of priesthood we in ACTS XXIX find so crucial for these days we’re living in, certainly embodied a spiritual fatherhood that reads in his letters more like the ache and hurt I see in my friends who are dads. Paul’s heart wasn’t superficially concerned with the well-being of the people he generated through the gospel; he was passionate about it. Here was a spiritual father who revealed and relived on earth the fatherhood of God.
As we continue this week, under St. Joseph’s watchful care, let us call upon his intercession – and that of St. Paul – for all fathers, to be sure, but maybe especially for those bishops and priests who serve us in the Church (and for me, please!). Let us pray that God will help us to know His Fatherly love ever-more profoundly, and to reveal and relive it in our own lives.